Mastering the Trickery

Now, be prepared dear reader, as we keep journeying down this path, it is bound to get a little darker. You see, I spoke truthfully when I said that at the beginning The Illusionist appears a harmless friend and that is simply because that is all he hopes for you to see. But it is a mask that holds a truly sinister purpose. With the appearance of no threat, he can creep into your mind and thoughts. His harmless questions, on the surface are the hope of an open door, a listening ear, a comforting friend. He speaks to you about ease and less worry, he understands the burdens you carry, he's seen them many times, and urges you to put them to one side. You are, after all, more important than any one else. You deserve a break. Take a breather, a stroll down an easier, wider road. But this is one of his greatest pretends. Through this illusion he wields a power to transform your thinking on more than just this one change of direction. He works to bring you to destruction, not to simply cloud your mind for one night.

(If you do find yourself on Wide Road, I suggest you turn around and run back to where you came from as quickly as possible, and do not look back to listen to his coaxing, concerned voice. For that path leads to some sort of horror. I have not seen it, but I hear of dark things that live there, waiting for their next visitor. It is an endless torture, it is his prison.) 

Rabbit in the Headlights

I think it's safe to say I am not normal.
I'll elaborate. You would think that when you receive praise for your work, it encourages you to keep going. 

Oh no, not me. 

Not that I don't appreciate what people have been saying, it's been so wonderful having such support. I've been so amazed to hear how well people have received what I've written and it's given me such a boost of confidence in knowing I have something worth saying...that's one side of it. The other side simply reveals a scared little girl who's ready to give the ballet recital of her life, sitting behind the big red curtain, knowing there's an expectant audience waiting for her to deliver and she suddenly can't feel her feet! 

So sitting down to write this post was similar to when a friend unexpectantly says, 'Let's play a game! Think of a song title, any song title will do...' and even though you know it's just a game, none of your limbs are going to be cut off, nothing bad is going to happen to you, for the life of you all songs no longer exist in that wonderfully unreliable thing called a brain, if it even deserves the title for moments like this.

I've ummed and ahhed about continuing my posts in the same style as the last as I always wonder after something's gone down well, is it wise to keep going? Similar to when they make a sequel to a good movie and you wish they just hadn't bothered (ugh like Pirates of the Caribbean, know when to say NO). And you know, 'Joshua' isn't like some secret code. It's not like somebody is reading this in Timbuktu (this was the first place that popped into my head) saying "I have got to meet this guy! I wonder where he lives? I'm gonna Google him!" 

I've just found that using my moments of personal discovery and journey in this way brings slightly more depth to them than if I was writing, face value, about how life unfolds. In fact, when I put it like that, of course I don't want to give you something of face value...I actually want to give you something of value.

So here I am, dear reader, attempting to write honestly in this moment and tell you how I feel.

Restoration

Last time on 'An Attempt to Write Honestly'.....(I can't tell you how much I loved writing that) 

Now, let's not beat around the bush. In the last post I paused at the drastic moment when all seemed lost. Remember, this is what it looked like....

I didn't hear the door knocking when Joshua came back. Actually, thinking about it, I don't even remember the time he showed up. He was just there one moment. I was too angry to even speak to him to begin with. Even after I noticed he was there, I pretended I hadn't seen him. I sat still, silent. And he sat with me and didn't say a word. I didn't have a knotted stomach that day, or a quickened pulse. I was miserable and decided to be that way for as long as possible. I deserved it. I had put all my efforts into this not happening and now I didn't even have a roof over my head. Where does hard work get you? Nowhere. So why bother? 

The story inside

Considering, dear reader, that you have found yourself peering in through this little blog window to inspect the goings on inside my home currently known as Life, I would like to open the front door and invite you in. I feel that by coming inside you will gain a greater feel for the whole house. If you would like I may give you a little back story and maybe even share with you, some future plans of how I tend for it to improve in the future. 

I'm not going to fill our time up with minor details like when it was first constructed or what century it dates back to (the latter of which you actually will already know if you read the last post anyhow!...which I'm sure you have). Anyway, those facts are merely polite pleasantries you tell people you have no desire to meet or talk with in any great length about anything again, and, dear reader, I don't class you with that kind of people at all. No, I feel we shall become very great friends, which is why I trust you will be interested to know a little more about my Life.

Divine connections

A little less than a year ago I set up this blog as a New Year's Resolution type thing. 

As you can see, it's totally worked out...

There have been plenty of times when I've sat down to post something, thought about just doing it, screw what people think! Etc, etc, etc. It's taken that many times of attempting to finally getting here to the actual doing part. I think it's good to admit that. It seems that these days, people are far to quick to clean up a story, shun the parts that seem ugly or build people up in a certain light, lose certain stereotypes and bad stigma attached to the focus and whatever was it that we were trying to portray again? 

I can safely say I don't want to be in that kind of boat. Which means that this blog isn't going to be something where I tell you why I'm amazing, or how amazingly I write. When it comes to it, aren't we all looking for someone to relate to?
And that's the thing about how I came to eventually writing this finally first blog, it was through those who knew me. I set this blog page up on my own, I started it through the words of those around me.

This is the part where I tell you how amazing MY FRIENDS are. 

It would take the better part of about a week for me to talk to you about the friendships I have and why each one of them scores its own brilliant high score on the leader board of